This question is asked by a trembling heart, written by a trembling hand. My gratitude feels so inadequate for your gift. Why do I feel so unworthy of you?
There are certain symptoms of falling in love. One of them is a feeling of unworthiness, because love is so vast, and you are so small. You cannot earn love, it comes on its own accord; suddenly it starts showering on you.
Naturally, because you have not earned it, you cannot feel worthy of it. As love deepens, the feeling of unworthiness deepens. If a person in love does not feel it, that means the love is superficial, and the man has too big an ego. Only in that situation – when your ego is too big, and your love is a superficial affair, not the great affair Ta Hui was talking about…
Before the great affair of love, it is absolutely necessary and inevitable, that one should feel unworthy. Nothing is wrong in it; it is exactly as it should be. Out of this unworthiness, slowly, slowly transformation happens. I can predict it will happen to you too, because your feeling of unworthiness is not just an intellectual question. Intellect never asks such questions; ego does not allow such questions; mind is not capable of asking such questions.
Mind and ego and intellect – they all take it for granted whatever happens in their lives is not enough. They are worthy for more; hence the question cannot arise from those sources. The only source that remains is the heart, which is always true and always sincere. And once the heart starts feeling unworthy, it does not give a sadness to you but a gratefulness. Slowly, slowly unworthiness turns into gratitude: you are not worthy of something and it has been showering on you; you cannot even understand why existence has chosen you.
One of Gautam Buddha’s disciples, Manjushri, became enlightened sitting under a tree. The moment he became enlightened, suddenly flowers from the tree started showering on him. Those who were around, they could not believe what is happening. There was not any strong wind. There is no reason why so many flowers go on showering on Manjushri. He was sitting silently with closed eyes; perhaps he was not even aware.
They reported to Gautam Buddha. He looked where Manjushri was sitting under a tree, and he said, “He has become what his destiny was; he has come to his flowering. And not only is his inner being full of joy, even the tree is celebrating.”
These kinds of stories for centuries had been taken as metaphors, poetry, beautiful anecdotes. But now we can say they are factually possible on scientific grounds. Trees are very sensitive, more sensitive than you are. They join you in your celebration; they join you in your mourning. Of course, you are not aware, but now scientists have found ways to figure it out. They have made a small instrument like a cardiogram, which is attached to the tree, and the cardiogram starts working, making the graph of the tree’s sensitivity.