The first question:
For days now I have been on fire inside. I feel the unknown in part of me, and I am afraid to jump. Everything is cuckoo, and it’s beautiful and scary at the same time.
Push me, Osho!
Crazy, baby, crazy! That’s what I am here for, to put you on fire. And once it starts happening, nothing else is needed to be done. Then it goes on growing by itself, in spite of all your fears; they cannot prevent the fire. They are natural – they come from your past, but the past is impotent when it confronts the present. The fire is present, the fire is now, and the fears come from the past; they are already dead. They belong to the non-existential, and the non-existential cannot do anything to the existential.
They are like darkness. The darkness can be very old, ancient, millions of years old, but just a small candle is enough to dispel it. It cannot say that, “I am very ancient, so how you can dare? You are just a small candle and you have come into existence this very moment, and I am so old, so ancient.” But there is no time for darkness to say all that. The moment the candle is lit, the darkness starts disappearing. The problem is how to light the candle; once it is there, then there is no problem at all. If the candle is not there then darkness is very real, too real – although it exists not. It is only an absence.
Once the fire is inside, even just a small part of you is on fire, that will do – it will spread. It is not a fire that dies. Once it is there it is going to consume you totally; that is inevitable.
My work ends the moment the fire is on. Then the fire will do…
You say: “For days now I have been on fire inside. I feel the unknown in part of me, and I am afraid to jump.”
It is natural to be afraid to jump. And to jump in fire is like killing yourself In a sense it is suicide: the ego is going to die. Hence the fear, because we have existed as an ego; that is our identity. To drop it means death. The mind cannot conceive what else will be left once the ego is gone. The mind knows only the ego; it knows nothing behind, beyond. It knows nothing of the transcendental. The mind is part of ego, and when the ego starts dying the mind starts dying, and it creates all kinds of fears, anxieties. It is just a self-defense.
But once the fire is on, the mind is finished. It may take a little while for the fire to spread to the whole jungle of your being, but the mind cannot do anything to prevent it.
The moment the mind becomes impotent, the work of the master is finished. Then he simply watches. Then he enjoys the disappearance of your ego, your mind, your whole so-called personality.