Try to understand it in this way: when sex overpowers you, really you cannot say “I.” It is as if something greater than you has taken possession – as if you are in a strong current. You are no more; something else is driving you. That is why these words are meaningful… that is why those who are against sex will say, “Sex possessed me.”
Anger possesses you, hunger possesses you. They are something greater than you, and you are just taken by the current. It is fearful. It is very fearful because then you are no more. It is a sort of death. That is why you are so much against sex – it is a sort of death. Those who are against sex will always be afraid of death, and those who are not against sex and can flow in it easily, spontaneously, will never be afraid of death. See the association: those who are against sex will always be afraid of death, and those who are afraid of death will be always against sex.
Those who are afraid of death will always create theories of immortality; they will always think about life beyond death. Those who think about immortality will always be against sex – these are alternatives. Sex gives you a fear. What is the fear? You are no more in it, something greater than you possesses you. You are thrown overboard; you are no more in it.
So even those who are not against sex, they too never move really deep into sex. They never move; they are always holding back, trying to remain there, not allowing themselves, not ready for a let-go. That is why orgasm, such a natural thing, has become so impossible for man and woman. A deep orgasm means you have been in something which was greater than you. You have been in something where you were not, the ego was not.
The ego is struggling to control everything, and mind helps you. In the effort you become identified with the mind, and this identification is the misery, it is a false shadow. Mind is a very utilitarian instrument. You have to use it, but do not become identified with it. It is a good instrument – necessary. Use it! But do not feel that you are the mind, because once you start feeling you are the mind, you cannot use it. The mind starts using you. Then you are simply drifting with the mind.
All the meditation techniques are an effort to give you a glimpse of that which is not mind. So how to go beyond it? How to leave it and look at it even for a single moment?
The first technique:
Devi, imagine the Sanskrit letters in these honey-filled foci of awareness, first as letters, then more subtly as sounds, then as most subtle feeling. Then, leaving them aside, be free.