I have never been loved by a man. Either there is a very strong sexual connection, but without lovingness or caring, or there is caring and understanding, but sex doesn’t happen. I want so much to connect with a man in totality that I am always looking. My feeling is that there is a lesson for me here in receptivity, but perhaps also in humbleness.
Osho, please comment.
Mayoori, it is one of the oldest problems human beings have faced. Their fancy is about pure love, care, concern, but their biology has a different program. It has no concern with your pure love or caring. Its concern is to reproduce the species. Biology is purely sexual.
The effort is going to fail if you want a love which is non-biological. And the problem becomes more complicated. The woman can perhaps wait, because her sexuality is passive sexuality, it is spread all over her body. It feels immensely joyful to her just to be cuddled, loved, cared. Sex seems to her to be something lower, animalistic.
But one has to consider man also. His sexuality is localized. One thing: it is not all over his body. And second: it has to be aggressive. The woman’s egg waits inside – it can wait for infinity – but the man’s sperm cannot wait that long. He wants to have the marathon race as quickly as possible. That’s why he pretends romance and all goody-goody things, but his real intention is when it is nine-fifteen…! He is constantly looking at the watch. Everything else is good, but the real goal is nine-fifteen.
And the situation is determined very quickly…. Those one million sperms that will be released in one sexual act will never have such a marathon race again; it is a question of life and death. Only one out of one million will reach to the woman’s egg which is just sitting there.
Once one sperm has reached the egg, the egg is closed. Sometimes it happens that a few friends reach together; then you have twins. But that is very rare and anyway one million people cannot reach – they will kill the woman if they reach at the same time…nine-fifteen! There are wiser ones who stand by the side and see the whole scene, and there are idiots who don’t look here and there and go direct like an arrow because there is not much time. The life of a sperm out of a man’s body is only two hours.
Once a man’s sperms are released, he wants to sleep. He’s tired and it is enough. Now he doesn’t think about romance, he does not have any inbuilt program for a little afterplay…before, he has to. So within two or three minutes – that is nine-seventeen – he is already thinking, “When will this nonsense stop?” Certainly it is tiring for him; it is his energy that is going out.
The woman is not losing energy, she is gaining energy. And she could not even get an orgasm, because the orgasm takes some time. The man should play with her body, provoke every cell and fiber of her body so she becomes afire. But no man is concerned and it looks stupid also, “What are you doing? Just do the real thing and go to sleep.”