What can you do? In a certain moment you find yourself laughing like a clown. That is as true as another moment; it happens as naturally as any other moment. Who are you to prevent it? The manipulator has to be dropped, because the manipulator who tries to control the laughter creates a division in your being – then the spontaneity is lost.
So remember that – that the group is not only a growth process for others; it is a growth process for you too. They are playing the role of the led, you are playing the role of the leader, but in fact both are participating in a process. In fact nobody is a leader and nobody is a led – those are just roles. The whole group is the led and the whole group is the leader. But if you are holding, then the participants will also, because they will imitate you.
So if there are certain moments when your mind says that this is not good, drop the mind, but never drop the moment. This mind is a social by-product, it comes from the society – when to laugh, when not to laugh, when to cry, when not to cry. The society goes on in so many ways controlling you from the outside and the inside too. It has created a conscience inside.
If you really want to be liberated from all these confinements, from all these bondages, and you want to change, just be true whatsoever it is. Absurd – that too is okay. Say amen to it, let it be so, svaha. Accept it, relax into it, and suddenly you will see out of that absurd laughter, something which is not of this earth, something which is not part of the mind, a ray of the unknown. And it will always happen through the absurd, because absurdity is the most suppressed thing in society.
Society had been suppressing three things: sex, death and the absurd. And the absurd is the most suppressed. There are Freuds against the suppression of sex, and they have created a little atmosphere so that people can be freed of that. More than sex, death is the taboo. Death still needs a Freud to fight against the suppression so that people can allow their feelings about death; can think and meditate upon it, and allow the fact that death exists, so it is no longer a taboo. But even deeper than that is the absurd. My whole effort and fight is against the taboo, against the absurd.
I would like you to be absurd because that’s how existence is. It is meaninglessly meaningful, illogically logical. All the contradictions, all the paradoxes are in an inner coherence in it; they are complementaries. Just try to allow the fact that whatsoever is, is. Don’t make a judgment, don’t say absurd. Once you say it you have started denying it. If it is absurd, it is – what can you do and who are you to do it?
Just think about the fact – are you yourself not absurd? How can you prove that you are needed here in any way? Does existence need you? Existence can be without you, perfectly without you; there is no problem. You were not, existence was; you will not be and existence will be, so what is the point of your being here? What purpose are you fulfilling?