I have always wondered that something went right with me from the very beginning. Of course, there is no such phrase in any language. There is a phrase like “something going wrong,” but not “something going right,” but what can I do? It really has gone right from my very first breath – up to now at least, and I hope it won’t change. It must have become accustomed to the routine.
I have been loved by so many people for no reason at all. People are respected for their talents – I have been loved for just being myself. It is not only now; that’s why I say from the very beginning something must have gone right in the very scheme of things. Otherwise how can something go right?
From the very beginning – and every moment I have lived – it went on going more and more right, righter and righter. One can only wonder.
Perhaps I can give a new meaning to the word god: when something goes right for no reason at all – you have not done it, you don’t even deserve it, and it goes on and on; when everything goes right in spite of you.
Of course, I am not a right person, yet things went on being right with me. Even today, I cannot believe so many people around the globe love me for no reason at all. I have no achievement to claim any respect, neither outside nor in. I am a nonentity, just a zero.
The day I left university service, the first thing I did was to burn all my certificates and diplomas, and the whole nonsense that I had carried all along, neatly piled. I enjoyed the burning of it so much that my whole family gathered around, thinking that finally I had gone completely mad. They always had thought that I was partly mad. Seeing their faces, I started laughing even more loudly.
They said, “It has happened.”
I said, “Yes, at last it has happened.”
They said, “What do you mean by, ‘It has happened’?”
I said, “My whole life I have been trying to burn these certificates, but I could not because they were always needed. Now, there is no need: I can again be uneducated as when I was born.”
They said, “You are foolish, utterly mad. You have burned the most precious certificates. You threw the gold medal down the well. Now you have burned even the last remnant showing that once you were the first in the whole university.”
I said, “Now nobody can talk about that nonsense to me.”
Even today I don’t have any talent. I am not a musician like Hari Prasad. I am not a man like so many Nobel Prize winners; I am just a nobody, yet thousands of people have given their love without any desire for any return.
Just the other day Gudia told me that when I was in this chair, Asheesh was fixing my other chair. She had never seen him crying. He was just tears, and she asked, “What’s the matter?”