If both partners are conscious of the fact that it is a meeting of opposites, that there is no need to make it a conflict, then it is a great opportunity to understand the totally opposite point of view and absorb it. Then the life of a man and woman together can become a beautiful harmony. Otherwise, it is continuous fight. There are holidays. One cannot continue to fight twenty-four hours a day; one needs a little rest too – a rest to get ready for a new fight.
But it is one of the strangest phenomena that for thousands of years, men and women have been living together, yet they are strangers. They go on giving birth to children, but still they remain strangers. The feminine approach and the masculine approach are so opposed to each other that unless a conscious effort is made, unless it becomes your meditation, there is no hope of having a peaceful life.
It is one of my deep concerns: how to make love and meditation so involved in each other that each love affair automatically becomes a partnership in meditation – and each meditation makes you so conscious that you need not fall in love, you can rise in love. You can find a friend consciously, deliberately. You feel a deep harmony with me, moments of peace, love and silence, and naturally the question has arisen in you that if this is possible with me, why is it not possible with the man you love?
The difference has to be understood. You love me, but you don’t love me in the same way you love your husband, your wife. Your love towards me is not biological; with me your love is a totally different phenomenon – it is of the spirit, not of the body. And secondly, you are connected with me because of your search for truth. My relationship with you is that of meditation. Meditation is the only bridge between me and you. Your love will deepen as your meditation deepens, and vice-versa: as your meditation blossoms, your love will also blossom. But it is on a totally different level.
With your husband, you are not connected in meditation. You never sit silently for one hour together just to feel each other’s consciousness. Either you are fighting or you are making love, but in both cases, you are related with the body, the physical part, the biology, the hormones. You are not related with the innermost core of the other. Your souls remain separate. In the temples and in the churches and in the courts, only your bodies are married. Your souls are miles apart.
While you are making love to your man – even in those moments – neither are you there, nor is your man there. Perhaps he is thinking of Cleopatra, Noorjahan, Mumtaj Mahal. You are also thinking… And perhaps that’s why every woman keeps her eyes closed – not to see her husband’s face, not to get disturbed. She is thinking of Alexander the Great, Ivan the Terrible. And looking at her husband, everything falls apart. He looks just like a mouse.
Mulla Nasruddin and his wife were quarreling one morning. She said, “Outside the house you walk as if you are a lion, and inside the house you look just like a mouse.”