The first question:
I don’t want to be this, I don’t want to be that; I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be there; I don’t want to live, I don’t want to die; I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to laugh; I can’t be passive, I can’t be active; I can’t will and I can’t surrender.
So…. then just be in between.
And this is not a question of one person, this is the state of all minds. The mind cannot be this and cannot be that. The mind does not want to be defined, does not want to be static, does not want to be confined; so whenever you want to try to be this, the mind starts working to be that. It goes on moving in the polarities. Mind is a movement; it is a constant movement.
So what can be done? – don’t try to be this or that; just be in between. If you can be in between, you transcend mind. Just watch, be a witness. Don’t do anything; just observe mind going from A to B, from B to A again; mind moving from one side to the other like a pendulum of an old clock: from left to right, from right to left.
Have you watched a pendulum? When it is going to the left, it is gathering momentum to go to the right. On the surface it is going to the left; deep inside, it is gathering momentum to go to the opposite pole. When it is going to the right it is being prepared to go to the left.
When you love a person through the mind, you are already getting ready to hate him. There is a poem by D. H. Lawrence in which he says, “The moment I say to my beloved, ‘I love you’, I have already started hating her. The moment I say to my beloved, ‘I will be forever and forever with you,’ I have already departed.” The divorce is on the way. In the very moment you are getting married, divorce is on the way.