It seems that one of the greatest hurdles that faces a human being is to be alone, to stand alone in the face of the opinions of the world, to stand alone in the face of the lies of the world, to be able to be physically alone, and, ultimately, to be alone without even our minds – the companion of last resort.
We really know we are alone, we know we will die into aloneness, we know that every contact outside ourselves is transitory – only you reflect the silence of the stars, the silence of infinity, the silence of eternity – yet just below the heart there is a pain, a knot, a fear…The fear of being a little boy without friends, the fear of failure and rejection, and the pain of pretending I don’t care.
Every tear I have ever shed comes from this pain: loss and the fear of isolation or separation. How do we break this blackness that surrounds the fear of aloneness and allow the bliss of aloneness that you radiate with every single breath?
The darkness of loneliness cannot be fought directly. It is something essential for everyone to understand, that there are a few fundamental things which cannot be changed. This is one of the fundamentals: you cannot fight with darkness directly, with loneliness directly, with the fear of isolation directly. The reason is that all these things do not exist; they are simply absences of something, just as darkness is the absence of light.
Now what do you do when you want the room not to be dark? You don’t do anything directly with darkness – or do you? You cannot push it out. There is no way possible to make some arrangement so that the darkness disappears. You have to do something with light. Now that changes the whole situation; and that’s what I call one of the essentials, fundamentals. You don’t even touch the darkness; you don’t think about it. There is no point; it does not exist, it is simply an absence.
So just bring light and you will not find darkness at all, because it was the absence of light, simply the absence of light. It was not something material with its own being, not something that exists – simply because light was not there, you got a false feeling of the existence of darkness.
You can go on fighting with this darkness your whole life and you will not succeed. And just a small candle is enough to dispel it. You have to work for the light because it is positive, existential; it exists on it own. And once light comes, anything that was its absence automatically disappears.
Loneliness is similar to darkness. You don’t know your aloneness. You have not experienced your aloneness and its beauty, its tremendous power, its strength. In the dictionaries, loneliness and aloneness are synonymous, but existence does not follow your dictionaries – and yet nobody has yet tried to make an existential dictionary which will not be contradictory to existence.
Loneliness is absence. Because you don’t know your aloneness, there is fear and you feel lonely, so you want to cling to something, to somebody, to some relationship, just to keep the illusion that you are not lonely. But you know you are, hence the pain.
On the one hand you are clinging to something which is not for real, which is just a temporary arrangement – a relationship a friendship. And while you are in the relationship you can create a little illusion to forget your loneliness. But this is the problem: that although you can forget your loneliness for a moment, just the next moment you suddenly become aware that the relationship or the friendship is nothing permanent. Yesterday you did not know this man or this woman, you were strangers. Today you are friends. Who knows about tomorrow? Tomorrow you may be strangers again, hence the pain.