The moment you hear something, either you say yes or you say no. Can’t you avoid saying yes and no? Can’t you simply listen? There is no hurry to say yes or no. Let the thing soak into your being. Drink it! Let it move into your bloodstream. Let it go into your very marrow. From there something will arise, sprout – and that will be new.
And for that new I am working here. Whatsoever I say is only a device. It has nothing absolute about it; it is arbitrary. And that’s why with the agreement there is disagreement too.
You say: “I agree with you – but I also know that I love the aesthetics of decadence.”
The mind is very clever and diplomatic. It says: “On one point I agree with you; on another point I don’t.” But you remain the same! You have not changed a little bit. You have not even taken a single step towards me.
“I know too that it is my mirror of my illness but…”
And remember, those “buts” are very, very significant: those “buts” are your diplomatic strategies. You are only half-heartedly saying:
“I know that it is my mirror of my illness but I too believe that there exists a little more as well.”
No, there exists nothing more.
“This little difference is important, you say. In the little difference life is hidden. I loved you speaking about aesthetics. Don’t you think there is a beauty in the leaves of autumn?”
Yes, there is beauty in the leaves of autumn – but those leaves don’t know that they are dying; those leaves don’t know that they are decadent. Those leaves are still living! They have no fear of death. Those leaves are living their autumn! They have lived their spring, now they are living their autumn. Those leaves have lived their life, now they are living their death. And there is a great difference.
When you see autumn leaves, the idea of death arises in you, not in the leaves. The leaves are uncorrupted by any idea. They are in total suchness. Spring was good, so is autumn. And life was beautiful – those green days and the winds and the clouds…they were beautiful and so are these days! Leaves are drying and becoming pale and falling to the ground – and they are enjoying! because they are going back to the source. It is from where they had come in the first place. They were born out of the earth, they played in the winds, they rose high in the sky, they had their day – now they are tired, now they want to be rejuvenated, they want to fall back into the womb. They are perfectly happy! There is no hitch, no complaint, no grudge, there is no fear, no apprehension.
Autumn leaves are not decadent. Nature knows no decadence! Nature is always alive, even in death. Nature knows no death. Death is a human invention. And why does man have to invent death? – because man has invented the ego. Death is a by-product of the ego. The moment you say “I am,” death has entered. The leaves have never said that they are – death cannot enter.