Why is the new so scary? My wanting and need for recognition are gone along with the doing. Even though deep inside I am tremendously thankful and happy, I find part of myself feeling guilty. I see as well that laziness is not one of my qualities. I can’t find the new way for me to be total in my work. It is becoming very painful.
Can you please bring some light and guidance to me?
The new is always scary because of the simple fact that it is new. You don’t know how to face it. All your knowledge is suddenly found to be absolutely meaningless because there is no answer in your experience and knowledge that can be an authentic response to the new – because you suddenly find yourself ignorant, helpless, not knowing what to do; hence the scariness.
Otherwise, instead of being afraid you will have a totally different experience with the new. You will explode with joy. If you are an explorer, an adventurer, then the new will fill you with tremendous ecstasy, and you will see in this new a possibility for your intelligence to function.
With the old, intelligence has no need to function: your memory functions. You know the answer already; the answer is part of your memory system. But memory is not intelligence, remember.
Intelligence is the capacity to rejoice in the new with an openhearted welcome, with intense clarity. Just by watching the new, the response will arise from your very innermost core. That is the way of the meditator. The meditator is continuously confronted with the new. In fact, he is in search of the ultimate new, which will never become old, which will always be fresh.
That is the quality of satyam shivam sundaram. Truth is never old; neither is the godliness that surrounds you from all dimensions, nor the experience of beauty. The roses may come and go, the expressions of beauty may come and disappear, but the experience of beauty is always there, exactly the same.
You are asking, “Why is the new so scary?” Because you are still in the mind and you don’t know what meditation is.
Mind loves the old. With the old the mind is very at ease because it knows all the answers. It does not feel helpless, it does not feel that it has to choose this way or that way. It knows exactly what is the right answer. The mind never wants you to come in contact with the new. It keeps you going round and round with the old.
Meditation is just the opposite of mind. As mind is confined with the old, meditation is an exploration of the expansion of the whole universe. The meditator wants to come each moment to the new, because only with the new does his intelligence become more sharp; only with the new does he himself become new. Only with the new is the way towards the ultimate.
The old is dead. Of course the old seems to be very comfortable. It seems comfortable because you don’t have to do anything. You don’t even have to be intelligent. You can remain retarded and yet pretend to the world that you are a great intellectual because you are filled with all kinds of information in your memory.