The first question:
Why can’t I say yes to myself? I have the feeling that all my misery is rooted in this incapacity.
Anand Renata, it is one of the greatest problems. Every human being has to face it, because the whole society up to now has been based on self-condemnation. All the religions, all the societies, all the cultures create a tremendous guilt in you that you are not what you should be. They give you perfectionist ideals to fulfill which are impossible. They simply drive you crazy.
Perfectionism is the root cause of all neurosis. Nobody can be perfect – nobody need be perfect; life is beautiful because everything is imperfect. Perfection is death; imperfection is life. It is because of imperfection that growth is possible. If you are perfect then there is no growth, no movement. Then nothing can happen to you; all has already happened. You will be utterly dead.
Hence I say God is the most imperfect phenomenon because God is the most evolving factor in existence and evolution and perfection are against each other. It is because of this that all the religions have been against the idea of evolution. Christianity condemned Darwin and his philosophy as much as possible. The reason was this: Christianity believed in a perfect God, and a perfect God can create only a perfect world. How can imperfection come out of a perfect creator? Then there is no possibility of evolution. If the possibility of evolution is accepted, then the world, the creation, is imperfect and ultimately it will lead to the logical conclusion that the creator is imperfect.
No religion has dared to declare that God is imperfect, but I declare that God is imperfect because imperfection means evolution, imperfection means life, imperfection means flow, growth. And God is infinitely imperfect; he will never become perfect. The moment he becomes perfect the whole existence will disappear into nonexistence.
But because of this idea of a perfect God we have all been trying for centuries to be perfect, and there are two outcomes of it. One is: if you are simple, innocent, you will start trying to be perfect and you will go neurotic. And you can never become perfect, hence you will carry a mountainous burden of guilt. It will crush you, it will destroy all your joy in life, it will poison you. It won’t allow you to celebrate, to sing, to dance. It is suicidal. Or if you are not innocent and simple, if you are cunning and clever, then you will become a hypocrite. You will talk about perfection; that will be just a facade, a mask, and hidden behind the mask you will go on being whatsoever you are.