The first question:
In the beginning you told me what I had to do. It was hard. Now you tell me that I can decide for myself, that I can do what I feel. This is hard, too. I am afraid of making a wrong decision. Please explain.
These are the only two possibilities: either you surrender – and in that surrender you stop thinking about decisions, consequences; in your surrender you have surrendered the responsibility itself, and you are totally free…free to move without any worry, without any burden on your mind…. But that is difficult because of the ego. You cannot surrender totally. You would like to control your life on your own. It becomes hard for the ego.
The second possibility is that you take things in your own hands – do whatsoever you like to do. Again the problem arises, because you don’t have any awareness. You don’t know what to do and what not to do. Then you are afraid of making a wrong decision. Then you are afraid of moving in a wrong direction. The ego is there, and with the ego, the shadow of the ego – the ignorance – is there. They both go together, or they remain together. If you drop the ego, ignorance disappears. If you drop ignorance, ego disappears – they cannot exist separately.
So these are the two paths. Either you surrender – the ego has to be dropped. Then by and by you will feel the shadow has disappeared on its own accord. Or, you have to become more aware, more alert, so that more light is within your being and ignorance disappears.
When the ignorance disappears, ego disappears automatically. Ego and ignorance are two aspects of the same coin. You can throw the coin in both the ways. But one decision you have to take – either to drop the ego or to drop the ignorance. And if it is difficult to drop the ego, then it is going to be very difficult to drop the ignorance.
These are the two eternal paths – the path of will and the path of surrender. In surrender, the “I” is completely dropped. On the path of will, the “I” is purified, cleaned of all impurities, is made transparent. It becomes a light unto itself. But one decision you have to make – either to follow the path of will or to follow the path of surrender.
The path of surrender is easier, because it can become a total jump in a single step. The journey of a thousand and one miles is complete in a single step. The path of will is gradual – you move inch by inch. But if you choose that, if you like that, there is nothing wrong in it. It is up to you to decide.