Then suddenly he stood up. It was just two minutes before nine. He looked at his watch, stood up, and he said, “I am feeling sick.” Before I could prevent him he rushed into the room. I followed him. He jumped on the bed, kissed the pillow, embraced the pillow, and I was standing there so he felt very embarrassed, puzzled.”
I asked, “What are you doing?” He started crying.
He said, “I don’t know, but this pillow has been continuously in my mind since I left you yesterday.” He did not know that in the hypnosis I had suggested it. And he said, “In the night also, I dreamed of this pillow again and again, embracing, kissing, and it became an obsession. The whole night I could not sleep. Now I am relieved but I don’t know why.”
Is your whole life not like this? You may not be kissing a pillow, you may be kissing a woman, but do you know the reason why? Suddenly a woman looks attractive to you, or a man, but do you know the reason why? It is something like hypnosis. Of course, it is natural; nobody has hypnotized you, nature has hypnotized you. This power of nature to hypnotize is what Hindus call maya, the power of illusion. You are under an illusion, in a deep hallucination. You live like a somnambulist; you go on doing things fast asleep, not knowing why. And whatsoever reasons you give are rationalizations, they are not true reasons.
You see a woman, you fall in love, and you say, “I have fallen in love.” But can you give the reasons why? Why has it happened? You will find some reasons. You will say, “Her eyes are so beautiful, the nose so shapely, and the face like a marble statue.” You will find reasons but these are rationalizations. In fact, you don’t know, and you are not courageous enough to say that you don’t know. Be courageous! When you don’t know, it is better to know that you don’t know. That will be a breaking point. You may come out of the whole hallucination that surrounds you. Patanjali calls it avidya. Avidya means lack of awareness. This is happening because of lack of awareness.