When I meet with someone in the heart I become completely intoxicated by the experience. In those moments I feel gloriously fulfilled and ecstatic. A tremendous amount of energy starts moving in my body and I feel to go totally with it, to lose myself in it. Then – and it always happens – the pendulum makes the natural swing in the other direction and I find myself clinging to the recent moments of love and become unhappy. This feels like a very old pattern.
I would be grateful if you would talk about awareness and love, or how to let go but not get lost?
One has to remember not to choose one part from a complementary whole. You are choosing half the circle – and then the other half will come, which is bound to come, and it will create misery.
Misery is nothing but choice. You choose the experience of love, the feeling of ecstasy, but by choosing you are going to be caught in a natural process. You will cling to these feelings, and they are not permanent; they are part of a wheel which is moving. Just like the day and the night – if you choose the day, what can you do to avoid the night? The night will come. The night does not bring misery: it is your choice of the day, against night, that is creating misery. Every choice is bound to end up in a miserable state.
Choicelessness is blissfulness and choicelessness is let-go. It means the day comes, the night comes, success comes, failure comes, the days of glory come, the days of condemnation come – and because you have not chosen anything, whatever comes is all right with you, it is always fine with you. Slowly, slowly you will see a distance growing in you; the circle will go on moving but you are not caught in it. It doesn’t matter to you whether it is day or night. You are centered in yourself. You are not clinging to something else; you are not making your center somewhere else.
You must have come across small children’s story books in which some monster has put his life into something else – for example into a parrot. Now the monster cannot be killed; whatever you do is useless. The monster has become absolutely protected unless you know the key – that his life is in the parrot. Then you need not kill the monster, you have simply to kill the parrot. And as you kill the parrot, the monster goes through tremendous suffering. As the parrot is killed, the monster is killed.
In my childhood I always wondered about this kind of story, and I could never take it as just a story. I harassed my parents, my teachers, that there must be some meaning in it. And they all said it is just a story, an entertainment for small boys. There is no meaning in it.
But I was never convinced. I simply thought that they have never pondered over the matter. And I was right, because later on I found this phenomenon – everybody has put his life into something else. Those stories were not ordinary stories. They were immensely significant, because it is not a question of one person, everybody has put his life into something else.
Your clinging means you are putting life there. And your clinging cannot stop the wheel of existence moving – it will move. And you will have to fall into the opposite. And then there is misery, anguish – as if existence has consideredly destroyed your love, your ecstasy, your joyful experience.