The first question:
Why do I feel so close and so distant from you at the same time?
It is so, you are close and you are distant, and at the same time. Your being is close, but your dreaming is not close and cannot be close. You are close, but your mind – which is not really you – cannot be close. The more mind you have, the more distant you are.
Right now you are two: one is your authentic being, your essential being, your unchanging, eternal being. You are close. Not only close but you are one with me, because the eternal being is only one. It is a flight, as Plotinus says, of the alone to the alone. But you are a duality. Your being is hidden behind many layers of becoming. You are like an onion: layers and layers of becoming. You want to be this, you want to be that….
Those layers keep you far away – not only far away but unbridgeable far away, unapproachably far away. I cannot approach you when you are in a dream. The dream is unapproachable. In your dream, you are absolutely lonely. You cannot invite even your beloved, your friend; in your dream you cannot invite even your master. Your dream is utterly private. Hence, it is false.
Reality is universal. It is not private. Your dream is idiotic – that is the actual meaning of the word idiot: to live in a private world, which does not correspond with reality, to live in idiot. The idiot lives in a private world. The wise man lives in the universal – that which is.
And you are living in both! Hence, this split. You will feel close to me when you look at your being, and there will be moments of being. Watching a sunset, suddenly you are close to me. Listening to the song of a bird, suddenly all distance has disappeared. Looking at a flower, and there is not even an inch’s difference between me and you.
These moments of eternity will be there. But then again you fall in the dream, in the sleep, in your private world – then you are far away. Don’t be puzzled by it. This is so with everybody. Slowly, slowly help those moments when you feel close to me, because they are the only real moments. To gain them is to gain the kingdom of God. To miss them is to miss all.
Come out of your idiot! Come out of your idiotic world of dreaming! You cannot become anything else than you already are – hence the whole effort is idiotic. You can only become that which you already are. Remember it again and again: you can only become that which you already are. And, hence, there is no need to become because you already are it. Rejoice in it! Celebrate it! Be it!