Fun is not the right word. Delight in it; delight is a little deeper. Rejoice in it, celebrate it. They have different qualities to fun.
You go to a circus – that is fun; in a way, silly. It never touches your depths, never touches your heart; it is clownish. People seek fun just to pass time; it is superficial.
So delight more, rejoice more, celebrate it. Move gracefully in it. Fun is a little profane, delight is sacred – so move on holy ground. It is a serious question in a way because people’s lives are involved. It is not a circus, it is not a volley-ball match; you should not be a spectator. So if you laugh, your laughter should come out of your rejoicing, not out of a ridiculing mind which says that these people are ridiculous and what foolish things they are doing. If there is even a slight notion lingering in the unconscious that the whole thing is ridiculous, then you will feel this way.
But if you have delighted in it, then you will feel very very silent, not sad; very very silent, but not empty. That silence will have a quality of fullness in it. Next time just watch…but good.
Things changed after last darshan…. You told me not to worry about anything…. When I went into the group I was looking for heavy blocks and problems, and crying came up and sadness and…I don’t feel positive, but I don’t feel negative either.
That’s very good – because when you feel positive, sooner or later you are going to feel negative; they change. To feel neither positive nor negative is the right thing to feel. If you remain in it, it can become a permanent state of being.
It is not very exciting I know. The positive is more exciting and the negative too – in a negative way, but exciting. This state is absolutely non-exciting; it is silent. But if you can go in tune with it, this is the best. Better than positive.
So don’t be worried. Just get more and more in tune with it – this tranquility, this silence where opposites are no longer functioning. It feels as if one is empty, sad; it is neither sad nor empty. One feels strange, empty, different, but this is your interpretation. We don’t know what silence is. When it comes it feels like sadness. We know what sadness is, and silence has a certain quality of sadness too. Sadness is familiar, silence is unfamiliar, so when for the first time you encounter silence, you immediately interpret it as sadness.