Mulla Nasruddin was hospitalized. He was eighty – and then came his birthday, and he was waiting for his three sons to bring him some present. They came of course, but they had not brought anything – because he was eighty years old! A child feels happy with a present, but an old man? Eighty years old! His eldest son was sixty. So they didn’t think about it at all, but when they came and Mulla looked and they were empty-handed, he felt angry, frustrated, and he said, “What! Have you forgotten your old father, your poor old father’s birthday? It is my birthday!”
The child…at that moment you could have looked into his eyes, and this eighty-year-old man was not there, just a child waiting for some toys.
One son said, “Forgive us, we forgot completely.”
Mulla Nasruddin said, “I reckon I will forgive you, because it seems this forgetfulness runs in our family. Really, I forgot to marry your mother.” He was really angry.
So they all three shrieked in unison, and they said, “What! Do you mean we are…?”
He said, “Yes! – and damned cheap ones at that!”
The child continues somewhere in you: when you weep you can find him, when you laugh you can find him, when somebody gives you a present you can find him, when somebody forgets to, you can find him, when somebody appreciates you, you can find him; when somebody condemns you, you can find him – it is very difficult to be really mature. One can never be mature unless the child simply dies within you, is no longer a part of you – otherwise it will go on influencing your actions, your relationships.
And this is not only true for the child, every moment of the past is there and influencing your present – your present is so loaded. And millions of voices from the body and the mind go on manipulating you; how can you reach the path?
You are a mountain. This mountain has to be dissolved. What to do? It can be dissolved consciously – one thing is to live your past again, consciously.
This is the mechanism of consciousness: whenever you live something consciously it never becomes a loaded thing on you; try to understand this. It never becomes a burden on you if you live it consciously.
If you go to the market to purchase something and you move consciously, walk consciously, purchase the thing consciously, with full remembrance, mindfully come back home, this will never be a part of your memory. I don’t mean that you will forget it – it will not be a load. If you want to remember it, you can remember it, but it will not be constantly forcing your attention towards it, it will not be a loaded thing.
Whatsoever you do consciously is lived through and is no longer a hangover. Whatever you live unconsciously becomes a hangover, because you never live it totally – something remains incomplete. When something is incomplete it has to be carried – it waits to be completed.