Sometimes, when dark sides of my mind come up, it really scares me. It is very difficult for me to accept that it is just the polar opposite of the bright ones. I feel dirty and guilty and not worthy of sitting with you in your immaculate presence.
I want to face all facets of my mind and accept them because I hear you often say that acceptance is the condition to transcend the mind.
Can you please talk about acceptance?
The basic thing to be understood is that you are not the mind – neither the bright one nor the dark one. If you get identified with the beautiful part, then it is impossible to disidentify yourself from the ugly part; they are two sides of the same coin. You can have it whole, or you can throw it away whole, but you cannot divide it.
The whole anxiety of man is that he wants to choose that which looks beautiful, bright; he wants to choose all the silver linings, leaving the dark cloud behind. But he does not know that silver linings cannot exist without the dark cloud. The dark cloud is the background, absolutely necessary for silver linings to show.
Choosing is anxiety. Choosing is creating trouble for yourself. Being choiceless means: the mind is there and it has a dark side and it has a bright side – so what? What has it to do with you? Why should you be worried about it?
The moment you are not choosing, all worry disappears. A great acceptance arises, that this is how the mind has to be, this is the nature of the mind – and it is not your problem because you are not the mind. If you were the mind, there would have been no problem at all. Then who would choose and who would think of transcending? And who would try to accept and understand acceptance?
You are separate, totally separate. You are only a witness and nothing else.
But you are being an observer who gets identified with anything that he finds pleasant – and forgets that the unpleasant is coming just behind it as a shadow. You are not troubled by the pleasant side – you rejoice in it. The trouble comes when the polar opposite asserts – then you are torn apart.
But you started the whole trouble. Falling from being just a witness, you became identified. The biblical story of the fall is just a fiction. But this is the real fall – the fall from being a witness into getting identified with something and losing your witnessing.
Just try once in a while: let the mind be whatever it is. Remember, you are not it. And you are going to have a great surprise. The less identified you are, the less powerful the mind becomes because its power comes from your identification; it sucks your blood. But when you start standing aloof and away, the mind starts shrinking.